In case you didn't see my review of last Thursday's Heat-Celtics game, I took the Heat to task for being terrible (deservedly) and took the Heat fans to task for being clueless (maybe a bit harshly). Well, apparently the Heat organization also has some issues with their fans, and maybe my assessment was more accurate and less jaded than I originally thought. Apparently the Heat fans need to be taught how to actually...be fans. Has this ever been done before? Has an organization ever printed a "how to" primer and also posted an accompanying video? I mean, that's embarrassing! And don't take my word for it...check it out yourself. Below, see the aforementioned "Fan Up, Miami" (aka, How to be a fan at an NBA game, you clueless bozos) print out:
Maybe next year's version will include definitions of boxing out, weak side defense, taking a charge, the "pass that leads to an assist," and working the shot clock...not to mention important discussion topics like "when to boo when your superstars take terrible shots," why millionaire ballplayers - even the bench guys - should hit open 15-footers, "when to boo when your other superstar dribbles 100 times at halfcourt while no one else moves," "when to boo when your big money power forward gets dunked on by a point guard," and of course "when to boo when your superstar whines about getting fouled, does not run back on D, and his man hits another wide-open spot-up three." Oh, and they might also want to offer a fan seminar on "how not to be fooled by fancy dunks and trick passes - especially those that continually lead to unforced turnovers - because there are no style points in basketball." Miami's NBA action...er...um...amazing kinda happens here...(!!)...pssst, what time is our dinner reservation on South Beach? We gotta leave early...
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