What the Buffalo Bills can teach us about the U.S. economy + more Miami...

Economic lessons from the 2010 Buffalo Bills...

Here's a little-known secret that may irreparably damage my reputation for some readers:  I am a closet Buffalo Bills fan.  I don't want to be, believe me.  But I must be, because each Sunday I find myself just a bit more interested in the Bills score than the others.  I assume it's a remnant from my time growing up in Buffalo - a leftover feeling of camaraderie and hope from watching a horrible early 80's team (Joe Ferguson, really?) develop over time (#1 pick in '85: Bruce Smith, the addition of Jim Kelly at QB, the 2nd round pick of Thurman Thomas, Andre Reed, etc.) into the early 90's juggernaut that, although it lost four straight Superbowls, still managed to get there each year.  I suppose there's a loyalty that is built up over time when you watch something grow and develop, as I watched the 1984 to 1994 Bills, and you find yourself emotionally involved.

This brings me to the present day Buffalo Bills.  They are 2-9.  Terrible by all accounts.  And, unlucky to boot - they've lost three overtime games this year already.  But do you know what?  I love this team.  I would pay money - if I still lived in Buffalo - to watch this scrappy bunch of no names take elite teams like Baltimore and Pittsburgh to the brink.  They have chemistry, they have grit, and they have hunger...and if management was smart, they would build around those intangibles as a foundation for something real.  Keep Fitzpatrick as QB - the players love him, he's a gunslinger with balls and big heart - rather than give into the temptation to go for the glamor QB pick in the draft.  Don't touch the skill positions - high character and class act Fred Jackson should never have been on the bench at all this year, shame on management for essentially discriminating against a small school player in favor of a guy like Marshawn Lynch....and you are set with WRs Lee Evans, Steve Johnson, Roscoe Parrish, and RB CJ Spiller as potential game breakers.  Don't touch the secondary - there are some young, skilled studs back there.  Instead, focus on the foundational, no-headline-grabbing drafting of offensive and defensive linemen...build around guys like Eric Wood and Kyle Williams and add depth to the core, trench areas that ultimately determine wins and losses. 

Ok, so how does any of this relate to the U.S. economy, you ask?  Last year's Bills - the 2009 version - were awful (just like the 2008-2009 U.S. economy), and it was clear to anyone objective that they needed line help (aka, nuts-and-bolts foundational stuff...like jobs to the U.S. economy).  But instead, the Bills management (aka, the Federal Reserve?) made the decision to pursue a short-term "headline-grabbing" fix (aka, artificial stimulus) and signed wideout Terrell Owens in order to sell a few more season tickets rather than address their more important, long-term needs.  Owens, of course, proved to be not much more than a one-and-done bust, along with the very weak 2009 incumbent QB Trent Edwards (aka, Tim Geithner?  anyone, anyone...?)

So what's the lesson?  Well, the 2009 Bills got nothing out of their artificial stimulus injection (Owens), much like the true, underlying U.S. economy got from its injection.  This year, however, the analogy diverges.  The 2010 Bills cut their dead weight (Edwards) and decided to let their down cycle run its course (much like a recession should be allowed to run its natural course) and along the way have actually built character and chemistry through hard, gritty play and effort.  Conversely, the 2010 now-highly-politicized Federal Reserve decided to once again forgo addressing foundational issues in the U.S. economy (massive debt, jobs) and are going for the short-term, glamorous, headline-grabbing fix (aka, Quantitative Easing 2).  And much like last year's Bills artificial Owens injection, it's pretty clear to me that this year's Fed QE2 artificial injection will have similar one-and-done results.

In short, this year's Bills team is bouncing back from a rough patch all on its own - the spark is there, the chemistry is there.  It's palpable, and they should be applauded.

But this year's Federal Reserve is unfortunately going the way of the 2009 Bills - laden with an egotistical superstar (QE2) who distracts the mob from the real issues at hand for only a short while before they resurface again.  Caveat Emptor, folks.  The Fed could learn something valuable from this scrappy Bills team:  recession (aka, rebuilding) takes time and is not a dirty word to be avoided.  In fact, it can sow the seeds for greatness for years to come, just like the 1984-1985 Bills.  Are you listening, Bernanke?  It's Ryan Fitzpatrick on the line...and he's asking you to grow a pair. 

More Miami driving... 

My Dad taught me an important lesson about basketball referees when I was younger.  "Good refs or bad refs don't really matter much," he explained.  "It's the inconsistent refs who are most dangerous."  His point was that players can adjust to a referee who makes consistently good calls or consistently bad calls...and to the referee who makes consistently tight calls or instead lets the ticky-tack stuff go.  But a referee who is inconstent - good, then bad...tight, then loose - can ruin a game.

Which brings me to my most recent rant about Miami driving:  Miami drivers are notoriously inconsistent, and it drives me consistently crazy. 

Inconsistency #1:  On surface roads (local streets), Miami drivers routinely crawl along at a snail's pace.  No rush, no stress, clearly no friggin' job - or anything else important - to get to.  As I have written before, a Miami driver rarely goes at a green light until a count of "one-mississippi...two-mississippi" has passed.  90% of the time I will honk at the guy ahead of me at a green light because the person is busy texting, or talking on the phone, or finishing off that coffee, or actually (I am not kidding) reading the paper while driving.  So you could safely argue that Miami drivers are slow, sluggish, and unresponsive on surface roads.  However, please explain why those very same drivers become Evel-freakin-Knievel as soon at they enter the highway, especially I-95 (just named the most dangerous road in America, btw.)

Look, I am a pretty fast driver at times, but I am generally efficient and safe (knock wood!)  But I-95 scares the bejeezus out of me.  As soon as I slow to 70mph (from 75mph, let's say) behind a slow-moving truck or someone that I need to pass, people whizz around me on both sides at ~90mph so that I can't actually change lanes.  And usually, when these people buzz past (and they do "buzz" past - the lanes are notoriously narrow on I-95...hmmm, maybe there's a correlation between that fact and the mortality rate on this road, eh Miami?), they are also either on the phone or texting at the same time.  WTF?  Seriously, WTF?

So how can the same folks who fall asleep at green lights on surface roads also become speed-racing, texting psychopaths on the expressway?  Miami, pay attention please:  just like in basketball refereeing, inconsistency kills...

Inconsistency #2:  I have written about the innate laziness of the Miami driver before.  For example, it must simply be too taxing - too damn hard - for people to actually flick their wrist and click that turn signal to indicate that they are changing lanes or suddenly slamming on the brakes and making a turn.  I know, that seems like a lot to ask!  In the routine course of daily driving, people never seem to use turn signals when they would be of actual benefit to the broader public.  Instead, a level of "driving ESP' is required:  hmmm, is that guy pausing a touch...I dunno, I don't like the looks of his swerving....I think he's a sudden-turn candidate...CON-SONAR...CRAZY IVAN!  (Which way did he turn, Jonesy?  To the starboard, sir!!)  Anyway, the lack of turn-signaling leaves you constantly guessing on Miami roads.

Except for this amazing discovery...when a road naturally curves to the right or the left - meaning there is no choice on which way to go - do you know what Miami drivers will do?  Yes, they will put on their turn signal!!  WTF?  Aaaaarrrrrrghhhhh.  I mean, just shoot me.  Why the hell would you indicate that you are turning when we all know you are turning because the road is actually going that way and we are all turning too?!  Folks, if I sound a little distraught, it's because this stuff is enough to drive a person insane.  Or maybe it already has.  And bear in mind, I am not talking about one isolated incident here - I am telling you that I have seen it over and over and over.  And given that 70% of Miami is Hispanic, I really think someone with driving experience in Cuba or South America needs to tell me the origin of all this senseless inconsistency.  I just don't get it...

More Miami Heat...

Headed to the Heat-Wizards game tonight, and we'll see if anything has changed since my last visit (Heat-Celtics).  I wrote back in July that the Heat would start 10-10 on the year, and I think they are 9-7 to this point, so clearly I will be routing for the Wizards tonight!

I caught a Chris Bosh post-game interview the other night (I think it was after Friday night's Sixers game) and I have to admit I genuinely like Bosh.  I mean, who the hell ever knows the truth behind these things, but I get the sense that he's a good dude and a likable guy.  (Unlike Wade and LeBron, who I think are probably behind-the-scenes @ssholes, to be honest.) 

Anyway, despite my feelings for Bosh, he said something so colossally stupid that I thought someone should have been fired over it.  He told the sideline reporter (a ridiculous homer named Jason Jackson - just my opinion) that - and I am paraphrasing here - the Heat would be fine as long as he, Wade, and James just did the same stuff this year that they all did separately on different teams last year.  Something like "as long as we do what we each did last year, we'll be fine."  Whaaaaat?  Chris, how ignorant are you?  And how bad is Miami's coaching or managing if this message is being conveyed?  How bad must things be if Bosh is also speaking for his teammates, and if they really all feel that excelling individually just like last year is the ticket to Miami's success this year?  Folks, that's moronic.  He advocated the construct of three superstars playing like individuals and then expecting a team to sprout out of it.  Where is the team concept?  Where is the buy-in from the stars?  Where is the humility and the admission that these guys need to be flexible and feel each other out and even make some sacrifices along the way in order to arrive at something where the whole is greater than the sum of the parts?  (Pssst, Chris....here's a hint:  that's the definition of a team)

Look, I have beaten the Heat dead-horse enough at this point, but I have to say that if the message from Heat management down to Heat coaches and down to Heat stars and down to Heat players is "just do what you did as individuals last year and we'll be fine," then the Miami Heat are in much, much bigger trouble than anyone might have thought.  That attitude needs to be re-framed, in a big way.  When stars come together, sacrifices are needed - someone has to take the charges, someone has to make the extra pass, someone has to box out...and it can't just be the two other role players on the court at the time.

We'll see how it looks tonight, but after Bosh's comments the other day, I remain a non-believer... In fact, the Miami Tepid jokes are too obvious at this point.  Let's get classical instead and just go with the Miami Hubris.

More on Miami driving...

So if you didn't believe the speculative part in my last Miami rant about people keeping quiet for fear of violence from other drivers, check this out:  http://www.miaminewtimes.com/2009-11-05/news/miami-parking-nightmare-from-the-homeless-parking-mafia-to-the-meter-fairy/1.  There are also some great parking ticket & towing nightmares in there.  And to answer before it's asked, yes...we have had our car towed.  Brielle ran into the dry-cleaner for 30 seconds, and a "spotter" (a guy who gets kickbacks from the towing companies on Miami Beach) called in the Jeep.  When Brielle came out, it was on its way to the impound yard... 

Also, I have some additions to my earlier rant... things I need to add to the record in the interest of being thorough in my critique of Miami drivers.  First, Miami absolutely leads the league with "most drivers who swerve the opposite way before making a turn."  Who taught these people how to drive?  For example, imagine a two-lane street, and you are in the left lane.  There's a car to your right, and it slows to make a right hand turn.  As it slows, it will also swing wide into your lane to make the right hand turn!  What the hell?  As a result of this consistent behavior among Miami drivers, I am sometimes forced - as the naive guy assuming all is well and I can just continue straight on my way - to violently swerve left to avoid the guy next to me turning right and vice versa.  Is it me, or is that just crazy?  Second, I referenced roughly 75% of people on Miami roads also talking on cell phones or texting while driving.  Here's an odd corollary to that overall estimate:  at 7:30am, on the way to the office, this number only drops to about 60%.  Consider that for a second... Who the hell are you speaking to at 7:30am?!  And believe me when I tell you...the body language indicates these are not quick ten second "Honey, I forgot to grab the dry-cleaning" calls.  These are clearly lengthy (at least a few minutes or over a half-mile or so of side-by-side traffic), slumped-down-in-the-seat, laughing and gossiping and chatting away, "shooting the breeze" conversations.  Again, who does that at the crack of dawn?!  Finally, let me touch on perhaps the biggest omission from my earlier rant.  This one drives me particularly insane.  For some reason, drivers making a turn against oncoming traffic do not inch up into an interesection while waiting for an opening.  No, cars typically sit behind the traffic light/line while waiting to make their turn.  The net result is that one car typically makes a turn per light!  Elsewhere, people creep up and 3-4 cars make the turn, especially as the light turns yellow.  What is the deal with that?  Where does this behavior originate?  It is absolutely infuriating to be behind someone trying to make a left-hand turn, having that person sit and wait behind the lines, and then be the lone car to make the turn as the light turns yellow.  Think about that one for a second and do that math.  Yes, this means you typically wait three lights to make the turn if you are the third car.  As always, especially when it comes to driving in this town, WTF??!!

Miami rant...

I have lost the will to live... There is no easy way to say it: driving in Miami has simply beaten the life out of me.  Over the past 18 months I have run the commuter gamut of emotion including shock, anger, dismay, annoyance, misery, and flat-out fury.

Before I get into my most recent mental-state, let me just step back a second and provide a backdrop explanation of driving in Miami.  You know, for those who have never enjoyed the...um...pleasure themselves.  Let's take a look at the relevant players on the Miami driving scene:  1) the elderly -- always a joy to see 80-yr-olds with the huge blocky sunglasses behind the wheel who can't see above the dashboard.  they are solid decision-makers.  2) the cabbies -- let's just say that the Russian and Haitian guys that make up the bulk of Miami taxi drivers are not quite as sharp as their northeastern compatriots.  I learned this firsthand when, on one of my first commutes before my car had arrived from NYC, the cabbie turned back to ask me (sitting behind him diagonally) how I liked the city while simultaneously turning the wheel completely in the direction of his head turn, thus traversing across 4 full lanes at roughly 35mph, nearby cars be damned.  He noticed my gasp and my weak forced smile, "righted" the ship, and continued to break a series of traffic laws as I actually directed him on which streets in Miami to take.  He had no idea how to get anywhwere, and this is a recurring cabbie theme. 3) the rich - utterly, totally, and completely above the law, in their minds.  4) the locals - usually Hispanic in background, many locals are simply on tropical time.  manana, baby, manana.  what's the rush?  ever? 5) everyone else, and by that I mean the texters, the tweeters, and the cell phone users.  I am dead serious.  75% of drivers in Miami are doing one of these things while driving.  Yes, I have seen it cause accidents.  And yes, I am aware it is illegal almost everywhere else.  But of course, not Miami.  In fact, here's the list of countries where it's illegal:  Australia, Austria, Belgium, Brazil, Chile, China, Czech Republic, Denmark, Egypt, Finland, France, Germany, Greece, Hong Kong, Hungary, India, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Japan, Jordan, Netherlands, Philippines, Poland, Russia, Singapore, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, Turkey, United Kingdom.  Further, cell phone usage of any kind is illlegal in many states and almost all states regulate usage (by fine or outright ban) in some way.  Except?  Florida.  WHY??  I can tell you in all seriousness that watching people zoom by on I-95 at 80mph while arguing with one hand on the wheel and the other holding the phone, or texting while holding the wheel with one pinky and only glancing up at the road scares me to death!  I have never been afraid of driving in my life before...in fact, I relish the challenge that is Manhattan driving:  it is competitive, it has unspoken rules, cabbies are incredibly deft and skilled, and it is actually safe - especially relative to the number of cars and pedestrians on the roads.  But Miami makes me think it is only a matter of time before some complete idiot hits me through no fault of my own...and there will be nothing I can do about it.

So, moving on...there's more.  Timed lights in Miami?  Nope.  If you catch a string of lights that actually keeps heavy commuter traffic flowing at snappy speeds, go buy a lottery ticket too, because it's that rare.  More often than not, your light will turn green just as the light 20 yards ahead turns red.  And yes, many cross streets are that close together.  Speaking of green lights, can you guess what people do at green lights in Miami?  If you guessed "immediately go," you'd be wrong.  No, in Miami green typically means, "turn to the person next to you and finish your conversation, and then go," or "finish off that text, then go," or "apply another layer of make-up, and then go," or "pause to take another swig of coffee/milk/OJ, then go" (this one happened in front of me last week), or - my personal favorite - "simply stare directly at the green light and for no apparent reason whatsoever, other than to annoy everyone around you who actually has someplace to be, seemingly count out one-Mississippi...two-Mississippi...and then proceed forward at an absolute crawl."


Additionally, driver skill levels are an an all-time low in the Miami area.  I respect the ability of NYC drivers, for example, to make bold moves that border on illegality yet are ultimately efficient, and thus probably justified.  Driving in New York, one actually applauds those moves, and probably follows along if the opening is still there.  It's a respected sport.  Here?  No such luck.  I honestly don't know how people get driver's licenses in the Miami-Dade area.  Looking both ways?  Forget it.  Parallel parking?  Not a chance. Cutting off oncoming traffic with no regard for safety whatsoever?  Hell yeah.  Swerving across lanes - in fact, swerving across lanes and coming to a complete stop and thus stopping all traffic behind you for blocks and blocks until someone lets you in to make your turn?  Absolutely - that happened in front of me this morning!!  Don't believe me on any of this?  Well, if you are ever in the area, just watch the evening news or pick up the paper, and count the number of fatal accidents that occur on Miami roadways... Frightening. 

Part of the problem - I think - must be the element of "self-policing."  Because, let's face it, the cops in Miami could care less about traffic violations.  As a result, Miami drivers are basically left to their own devices.  But then again, so are New Yorkers...so what's the difference?  Self-policing citizenry, I say.  Anytime someone does anything remotely stupid on a Manhattan street, somebody - pedestrian, bike messenger, fellow driver - yells out "yo, Moron...whaddayou doin'?"  Horns honk, people glare.  And the accused usually addresses the mistake.  It actually works!  But in Miami...horns never honk.  People never yell.  I mean, a car can flat out stop in the middle of a busy street, while cars flow around it (except those directly behind) like a boulder in a stream, and no one says a damn thing.  It's unreal.  There is a very tight turn in the heart of downtown Miami...people take it relatively fast...and knowing this, cars nevertheless just stop on either side of this turn (it's one way) to let people off for work, to say hello, to honk at a pretty girl.  It's insane.  I want to yell out "what the f*&k are you doing stopping there??!!"  I want other people to join me.  I want Miamians to start policing themselves.  But this never happens.  A Cuban guy I was in PT with shared an interesting potential explanation with me.  In his words, many of the immigrants here are "savages" from Central America (HIS WORDS!) with no regard for anyone...add this knowledge to a prevalence of tinted windows...and incredibly liberal gun laws...and he says people fear correcting anyone else because there have been plenty of "shooting incidents" in the recent past.  So instead, everyone stays quiet... Hmmm.  I'm still a newbie, so anything is possible.  He makes a good point though, so from now on I make sure the windows are not tinted and I can make a best guess as to whether the driver is packing heat before I start cursing...

I have saved the best for last, though.  The absolute bane of my commuting experience:  Miami bridges.  Don't get me wrong...Miami is beautiful, and in its defense, it has probably grown well beyond anything its infrastructure can handle.  I doubt anyone ever imagined this as a major metropolitan area with over 5 million people, many of whom commute to downtown.  (This also explains why there is no easy route south to Coral Gables and Coconut Grove, and all traffic is channeled into a forced bottleneck of insanity called U.S. 1.  Never, ever, drive on this road if you visit Miami.  Use a GPS - whatever it takes - and stick to the side streets.)  So, as a result of a lack of proper urban planning (I get the sense Miami just "sprawled" with time...there was probably no one laying out a grid, developing large avenues and boulevards like many northeast cities, etc.) one would think that Miami would make up for this deficiency by making sure lights were timed and other "simple" rules were followed.  For example, here's an easy one - and this brings me back to the opening of this section and the most infuriating thing of all:  how about "no boat traffic in urban areas from 7am to 9am."  Yeah, you heard me right.  "Boats in urban areas."  Here's what happens:  at the height of rush hour, on demand, Miami will raise a drawbridge for the most piddling of sailboats to the largest of yachts to head in or out of the Miami River... this process takes 15-20 minutes from red light (bridge up) to green light (bridge down) and does much worse damage than that considering the backlog of commuting traffic that develops.  Some bridges you can work around, because if they open (if there's a boat), they open on the hour and the half-hour.  Of course, the bridge outside my apartment (and yes, directly in my path to work - my only path to work) opened yesterday at 7:40am instead of 8:00am.  Was there an emergency?  Was it the Coast Guard?  (Valid exemptions)  Nope.  This is another Miami specialty.  The bridge was opened with a shrug and a "whatever," and the entire Venetian Causeway was backed up for 20 minutes for absolutely no good reason.  Other bridges are just a game of chance.  Sometimes they are up and you are screwed.  Other times, no.  There is simply no rhyme or reason that I can decipher.  What I love, my absolute favorite, is when the Miami River bridge goes up for the retired guy headed out on his little sailboat for a day of fishing.  Yup, he gets the right of way over the roughly 5,000 cars that end up stuck in a one square mile area.  Unreal.  In any other major city this is considered insanity.  What's the solution?  Hey Miami:  You are no longer a sleepy little fishing town.  It's not 1920.  CARS SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY FROM 7AM TO 9AM AND FROM 5PM TO 7PM!  Is this that difficult?

So yesterday I waited at one small bridge near my apartment from 7:40am to 8:00am...then I caught the tail end of the Miami River Bridge from 8:05am to 8:10am...then I caught the bridge up from 6:30pm to 6:45pm on the way home...and this morning?  Yup - caught it again:  7:50am to 8:05am right smack in the heart of downtown.

There you have it.  I give up.  Miami, you win.  I have nothing left.  I have become one of the non-honking, non-moving, non-thinking drivers.  Congratulations.  But you'll never see me on my phone.  That's just idiotic.

Ben